I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This is the prime rib incident all over again
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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