so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
