so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
operation harelip BJ is a go
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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