to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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