I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
