I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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