Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
