I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
