it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize