I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
