My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
