Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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