I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
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Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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