The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
