I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
