Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
