Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
