omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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