Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
