She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
