Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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