I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
