Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
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I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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