You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
