I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
