Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I will be naked everywhere
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
