That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
