The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
