I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
