Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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