I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
