I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
