If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Randomize
