I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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