I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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