This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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