I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
