No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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