This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
