tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
