please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
