she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
