I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
