Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
