i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
