after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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