Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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