I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
