Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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