Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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