think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
