white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
