your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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