Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
