I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
