Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
