Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
