We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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