whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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