from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
