i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
