he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
