shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
