You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
