My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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