my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
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my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
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I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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