whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
