Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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