College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I can't turn off my feet"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
