You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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