I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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