oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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