very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Enjoy the penises
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
